Coherent what now?

If I had to take the SATs this year,* I could reliably plan to attend Bob’s House O’ Learnin’ in the fall.  I cannot hold anything in my brain.  On Wednesday at playgroup, I asked my friend what middle name she’d picked out for her coming-soon third child.  She had JUST finished explaining that she liked an old family name on her side but couldn’t get her husband to agree.

Today, it took me about two hours to clean our (admittedly dirty but very small) bathroom.  I kept getting distracted.

I have three small children, and a house to run (into the ground, apparently), and a job with nutty hours.  Excuses abound, but I miss my brain.  I used to be so SMART.

*When I did take them, in 199x, I kicked ass.  Oh, how the mighty have fallen.

Important Things I Taught My Children This Week

I taught Orange to say “Barack Obama.”  She liked the sound of it, and made up a song.  Raisin’s been a fan for a long time, and Apple wouldn’t say it, although he enjoyed all the jumping around we did when Obama took the oath of office.*

“Whatever God wants, he keeps!”  I think my sole purpose in telling this joke was to distract the kids so that they’d stop screaming and let me get their lunch already.  It worked; they listened intently while I attempted to explain the concept of Short Circuit.  I suppose I better show them the movie before they’re old enough to make fun of me for its outdatedness.  (Mom, I’m sorry about The Graduate.  Really quite a good film, now that I think about it!)

Want to keep all those lovely Christmas gifts you received, darling children o’ mine?  A couple of quick tips: feed the fish when Mommy asks you to.  Don’t choke your sister with that string of beads.  And stop throwing that toy vacuum down the stairs.  Because if you make Mommy crazy, Christmas next year will be way less fun.

*The first time.

Today Should Suck…

Since it started out with a child vomiting in my bed.  But right now, Raisin is “reading” to Apple (the sick one).  Orange chimes in now and then, singing to him.

Maybe it’s not so bad, after all.

Advice?

Raisin has a dear, dear friend at preschool.  They met when they were both about 2 1/2, started preschool together at age 3, and are together again this year.  They love each other so much, but…

They are completely wild when they play together.  They get so excited that someone almost always seems to get hurt.  Or, if one of them wants to play with another kid, the other one gets jealous and upset.

It’s gotten to the point that the teacher has to separate them when they do play together.  Or, like today, she has to ask Raisin to “stop and think” when her friend isn’t playing with her and she wants him to. 

I’m not sure how to help Raisin with this.  So far, I’ve tried: telling Raisin that she will not be able to go on a planned outing with this friend if she can’t play nicely with him at school, suggesting that she find other friends who want to play a game with her if this friend is doing something else, and asking her to imagine how her friend and teacher must feel in different scenarios (this seemed to have some impact, but it might be too soon to tell).

Any other ideas?

Babbling!

New Year’s Resolutions don’t officially take effect until the mint chocolate candies are gone.  That’s a rule; I’m not sure if you knew already.

We had a really good Christmas.  Crazy, of course, and a little overwhelming, but wonderful anyway.  Amid all the new toys, clothes, and books are 3 new pets: Goldy, Dorothy, and Nemo.  (Dorothy’s name was originally Mr. Fish O’Gish, but I guess Raisin discovered that he was not male?  Or not Irish?  I have no idea.)  They’re guppies, but they’re orange so I guess they’re a good substitute for the goldfish Santa promised Raisin.*

Funeral homes have spectacularly uncomfortable chairs.  (An observation based on recent experience, but fortunately the experience in question was on behalf of an elderly relative whose bad health rendered her death sad but not unexpected or tragic.)

My manager gave me a cupcake, a tiara, and a noisemaker.  That totally makes up for working until 2:30 this morning.

You will all be relieved to know that both the missing Gilmore Girls DVD and the ball from Raisin’s new Cranium game turned up.  These were the source of much consternation on Tuesday night (on my part), but were discovered Wednesday.  Phew.

I’m out.  How were your holidays?

*Dear pet store: don’t sell something labeled a “goldfish tank” and then refuse to sell someone a goldfish to put in it.  Because the crazy lady who is desperate not to disappoint her daughter will go ape-shit, I guarantee it.  Thanks.