1. Lorelai and Rory Gilmore, get your cute butts in a room together and work it out already. I started out just blaming Rory, but now you are both being difficult. Just quit it.
2. It’s October, and this is Minnesota. Enough with the thunderstorms and the lightning and the worrying about more trees falling on my house and the dirty water in my basement. Just quit it.
3. Metro transit boss-type people, why must my bus route still be detoured? I do not see any dangerous construction. It’s making the buses late(-er than usual), and the bus drivers cranky(-er). Just quit it.
4. Paolo family on the Amazing Race, please stop calling each other stupid. You are all stupid, end of discussion. Now, go away.
5. Trouser socks, quit falling down and bunching around my ankles. You are not old and stretched out enough for this to be a problem. And why are you called trouser socks? I don’t wear trousers, because it’s a word that only Wallace from Wallace and Gromit can get away with, so I shouldn’t have to put up with it from you, either. “First thing, Garlic, you’ve got to requisition a new nickname.” (If you get the reference, I’ll be your BFF.)
6. People walking in the Skyway (this is the system of gerbil tubes that connects downtown Minneapolis so people don’t have to walk outside in bad weather — see above re: thunderstorms — it’s kind of like the Jetson’s, but without the cool moving sidewalks). Anyway, people, walk faster. Or move to one side. Or at least walk in a straight line if you need to walk slowly. It’s very hard to speed-walk around you when you are meandering zig-zag style all over the damn place. Get out of my way.
7. Julie, Grape, honey-bear, have you had enough coffee now? Can you please stop being so PMS-y and witchy-with-a-b? If you don’t even want to be in the same room with yourself, how must your poor husband feel? Just quit it.