Raisin, I hope you never have reason to doubt how much I love you. In case you ever are uncertain, however, I offer the following as proof of my devotion.
Today is laundry day, and I have very few clothes left that adequately cover The Belly. So I am clad in an oversized t-shirt that once suffered an unfortunate encounter with some bathroom cleanser containing bleach. The only pants I could find are a pair of your dad’s old pajama pants. In my non-pregnant state, these are extremely comfy lounging pants. Today, I keep hiking them up because the waist where they usually ride is currently non-existent.
I managed to shower and (sort of) style my hair, but I never quite got around to makeup or to putting in my contacts. Also, my feet are so swollen that only my pseudo-Birkenstocks from college still fit. But it’s cold out, so I have committed the cardinal socks-and-sandals sin.
Despite all this, you and I dared to go out in public. We both needed haircuts. In and out, I thought — no extra stops. The second we pull into the minimall parking lot, though, you speak up, “Firefighters! Firefighters!”
Sure enough, parked near the children’s store was a fire rig. With two young, hottie firemen, just like Beth’s. And even though it meant that I had to waddle across the parking lot, feeling about the least attractive I have ever felt, I took you to see the firefighters.
And you, my darling, clammed up completely and acted as though seeing firefighters was the last thing you had ever wanted to do in your life. So I had to make small talk with the hottie firemen, turn around, and hobble back to our sexy minivan. I’m sure they didn’t believe me at all when I said you had begged to come see them.
The second we were out of their earshot, you regained your tongue and started being all cute again, “I a firefighter! My firefighter hat!” (they gave you a plastic helmet).
Anyway, I just want to go on on the record and say that I did it all for you, and I would do it again. Also, if there’s ever a fire in our house, I’m hiding at the neighbors.