The Path Not Taken

People, I do not understand myself.  I have been pondering (obsessing about) this pregnancy dream for a couple of weeks now. 

What does it mean?  Have I somehow changed my mind about having another baby?  If it were possible, would I want to do it all again?

After much thought, I don’t think so.  My feelings have changed, in that the idea does not make me retch.  My fundamental sense that our family is complete remains, though.

Apparently, there was some secret part of me that went on … hoping?  fearing? … that maybe some big cosmic accident could’ve happened.  Now, faced with proof that even that part of me can’t ignore, I am sad.

Human emotion is so trippy.

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About Grape

I've got the world's best kids and husband. Great house, steady job. I'm living the American dream. The trick is to appreciate it. I'm working on that part.
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3 Responses to The Path Not Taken

  1. Erin says:

    Sometimes I dream about it, too. I fantasize about it. But then I realize that, no, I don’t really want any more children. But sometimes, just for a day, I want that feeling back.

  2. You might still want to hook up with George Clooney. You know, just to see what happens.

  3. …Then I think about what it was like when they were babies.

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