I heard a Checker Auto Parts (or some such store) commercial on the radio the other day, and it inspired me to provide this public service announcement.
Attention All Heterosexual Men,
Please be advised that NONE of the following things will turn you into a female:
Doing something nice for your wife.
Having things other than tools and auto parts in the garage.
Being gay. (This was not actually addressed in the commercial, but in a song I heard. Also, please know that you can use lotion or even get a pedicure, and still be neither gay nor a woman once you are finished.)
It’s true. Honest.