I wish I’d known then…

My MIL and I were just reminiscing about how different a mother I was when Riya was a baby than I am now.  It got me thinking about how very, very dumb I was.  To wit:

When I was pregnant, I read in one of my pregnancy books that it was a good idea to schedule an ultrasound first thing in the morning.  That way, you’d be sure to have a full bladder.

I’m sure I must’ve learned some valuable things from those books, but the only examples I can think of now are of the frighteningly stupid things I did because the books told me to.

I will give you the gory details in bullet form, in the hope that it’ll make it less unpleasant.

  • Despite having gotten up in the middle of the night, I had to pee first thing in the morning.   See also: pregnant.
  • I tried not to.
  • Fail.
  • Then I tried to go just a little.  This is like poking the teeniest hole in the Hoover Dam to relieve some pressure.
  • Fail.
  • I chugged water, because OMG, if you show up with an empty bladder, you flunk pregnancy and they don’t let you keep the baby.
  • The tech complained about not being able to see, but then I almost started to cry.  She got scared and didn’t say another word.

So, here’s the advice I’d give a newly pregnant woman today (if I were asked, because: assvice.): Make the appointment whenever you want.  Go to the bathroom half an hour before, then start drinking water slowly.  It’ll be fine.  Also: pregnancy is the only time you can get what you want by crying or giving people evil glares, and not feel guilty about it.  Use your power.

An additional tip I picked up during one of my many, many Level II ultrasounds during the twin pregnancy: a good technician will find what they need no matter the state of your bladder.

These are the kinds of things the books should tell you.

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About Grape

I've got the world's best kids and husband. Great house, steady job. I'm living the American dream. The trick is to appreciate it. I'm working on that part.
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