I wish I’d known then…

My MIL and I were just reminiscing about how different a mother I was when Riya was a baby than I am now.  It got me thinking about how very, very dumb I was.  To wit:

When I was pregnant, I read in one of my pregnancy books that it was a good idea to schedule an ultrasound first thing in the morning.  That way, you’d be sure to have a full bladder.

I’m sure I must’ve learned some valuable things from those books, but the only examples I can think of now are of the frighteningly stupid things I did because the books told me to.

I will give you the gory details in bullet form, in the hope that it’ll make it less unpleasant.

  • Despite having gotten up in the middle of the night, I had to pee first thing in the morning.   See also: pregnant.
  • I tried not to.
  • Fail.
  • Then I tried to go just a little.  This is like poking the teeniest hole in the Hoover Dam to relieve some pressure.
  • Fail.
  • I chugged water, because OMG, if you show up with an empty bladder, you flunk pregnancy and they don’t let you keep the baby.
  • The tech complained about not being able to see, but then I almost started to cry.  She got scared and didn’t say another word.

So, here’s the advice I’d give a newly pregnant woman today (if I were asked, because: assvice.): Make the appointment whenever you want.  Go to the bathroom half an hour before, then start drinking water slowly.  It’ll be fine.  Also: pregnancy is the only time you can get what you want by crying or giving people evil glares, and not feel guilty about it.  Use your power.

An additional tip I picked up during one of my many, many Level II ultrasounds during the twin pregnancy: a good technician will find what they need no matter the state of your bladder.

These are the kinds of things the books should tell you.


About Grape

I've got the world's best kids and husband. Great house, steady job. I'm living the American dream. The trick is to appreciate it. I'm working on that part.
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