I had a plan, dammit.

I was going to stay with this job just a little longer – another year, maybe two – until we could more easily make all-day arrangements for Ben and Karina.

I was going to set aside one of my newly kid-free mornings each week to write.  Really write.  See if I could make anything of it.

Turns out, though, that there are flaws in my plan:

1) I need a new job.  The shifts at this one keep getting later.  Even with my hours downsized as far as possible, I am way too tired.  Can’t do it anymore.

2) Finding a new job takes time.

3) The most flexible hours in a day are the ones I would’ve used to write, and the ones I spend with my kids.  No contest.  The kids win.

And, OK, I am only 32.  I’ll find a job that suits me better.  We’ll figure out a schedule.  Once we adjust, there’ll be a way to write.  I know this.

Still, it’s a little sad, saying goodbye to this plan.

Let’s end on a happy note, though.  What do you think of the new look?

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About Grape

I've got the world's best kids and husband. Great house, steady job. I'm living the American dream. The trick is to appreciate it. I'm working on that part.
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6 Responses to I had a plan, dammit.

  1. I love the new look! Change is in the air… I was telling a close friend today about just how young 30-ish still is. Do what you have to do, keep walking forward, never say die! I keep thinking of the movie the Shawshank Redemption and how it spoke to me about never giving up, to never stop digging, to take a deep breath and swim… freedom is just small distance from here.

    You will write. You will find a way. Keep a small pocket-sized journal with you always and keep that light that burns inside you lit. So the plan changes and the path is a little bit to the west of perfect. I have no doubt you will make it work, and brilliantly at that!

    I will always be one of your biggest fans!

  2. Jenni says:

    Hey! The new look is great! Love the photo of the kids. I’m sorry to hear about your job hunt- I will be praying for you as you search. The right job (or best one) will appear- and you will get it! (What is it they say about the power of positive thinking?!?)

    take care friend!

  3. Kate O'Reilly says:

    Love this. The title alone speaks volumes. We all have these plans. We’re in it with you. I’ve found the more quickly I see flaws and consequently adapt the current plan and/or develop a new one makes all the difference. Every time I fail, I try and halve my response time to snap back; not wallow in the bust. Notice I said “try.” This plan is also flawed. And here we are again.

  4. Rina says:

    The new look is beautiful. I am sorry that your job is coming to an end; I am sure a better one is just around the corner. As long as the kids come first – you will always win.

  5. Becky says:

    Plans changing because of things outside our realm of control are always the hardest to adapt to. The challenge, for me, then becomes to not loose sight of my original goal. It’s easy to get caught up in the frustration of the failed plans…I often find myself stuck in that web. However, it’s a sweet, sweet reward when we’re able to accomplish our goal despite all the plans that fail. I’m working part-time at Home Goods, and saw a journal the other day that said something like, “I don’t write because I want to say something, I write because I have something to say.” It made me think of you…you have something to say, and that just doesn’t go away because your plans fail (dammit).

    Love the new look…that picture of your kids is so great…I can only imagine the wonder, discovery, and joy they were feeling as they played in the “waterfall”.

  6. Pingback: Content | Fruit Salad

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