Facebook, May-December 2010

May 13: Ben’s serious, serious injury list: 1) His plastic bat got broken at preschool. 2) His mean mother refused to buy McDonald’s for lunch. 3) She then RAN OVER A WORM on the driveway. His worm. His best worm friend.

May 17: If the piano tuner asks how often I play, I am totally going to lie. He’ll never know; I dusted it this morning. Am crafty.

…Busted. It’s ridiculous how I can’t tell the tiniest lie. “You probably noticed a little stickiness on this key,” he said. All I had to say was, “Oh, yeah.” Couldn’t do it. I sang like a canary.

May 26: Ben, Karina, and I are “helping” at Riya’s track-and-field day today. I wonder if I should bring all my old participation ribbons to impress the kids.

May 28: Overheard: Karina: Ben! No! That’s Riya’s water! She’s going to be so mad! Ben: Well, Riya’s not here.

June 12: I thought I must’ve heard wrong, but no, I didn’t. The kids are, in fact, playing a game they’re calling “toilet tag.” I declined to ask any further questions

Apparently, a real game. Still don’t want to know.

June 18: We were at my grandma’s house today, and Karina started singing “Ra-ra-ro-ma-ma, Ga-Ga, ooh-la-la.” My grandma was far too polite to say, “I think your daughter is having some kind of seizure,” but I think she was wondering. I kept my mouth shut; explaining Lady Gaga, the Glee soundtrack, and why my kids are familiar with either was just beyond me.

June 19: All three of the kids are waddling around the house saying, “Beep, beep, beep, beep, beep. I am an underwater robot. I will fix your oil leak.” So, rest easy, everybody. It’s under control.

Huh.  Remember that whole BP thing?

June 30: When I walked into the liquor store at 9:30 this morning (with all 3 kids) and asked the guy where the bourbon was, do you think he believed me that it was for a recipe? (Also, why do you think I thought he would care?)

July 5: Ben: I want some crackers! Me: “Mom, can I have some crackers, please?” Ben: Sure.

July 13: I’m afraid I’m not a very sympathetic wife. Robin’s back is still sore – he was only able to work about half a day today, and I’m all “Yeah, I had that problem WHEN I WAS PREGNANT WITH TWINS.” (I’m nicer than that to his face. Mostly.)

He’s better now.  And the word “sore” for a major back spasm was pretty uncalled for.  Am awesome wife.

July 16: Please don’t misunderstand me if I say, with the immortal Burgess Meredith, “Kids. Can’t live with ’em, can’t shoot ’em.”

July 21: I’ve finally figured out how to explain my organization “system” to people. It’s like I divide everything into two piles in my brain. The first is called “Oh, shoot. NOW what?” The second is called “Screw it, it can wait until later.”

Best comment on this post: “Oh, you do TWO piles.  Interesting.”

July 22: It seems every public restroom in the US has automatic toilets or super loud hand dryers (or both), both of which upset Karina so much that she can’t go. So, thanks for that, TECHNOLOGY

Not pictured: some not-so-creative posts from our ginormous road trip.

August 6: Riya, after reading to me from her new library book about katydids: “Sometimes, kids teach grown-ups. Because I just taught you some AMAZING facts.”

August 9: Ben: Is this a nunchuk? Me: No, that’s a garlic press. [sigh]

September 1: During the parent meeting at Riya’s school tonight, her teacher told us where we could find the answers to the kids’ math homework (“just don’t tell the kids”). I’d be indignant that she thinks we’ll need to cheat on first grade math, but I’m too busy being grateful for the tip. It’s a whole new world.

September 10: Karina: “It’s my birthday!” Ben: “It’s OUR birthday!” Me: How are you FOUR YEARS OLD!?

September 14: The kids wanted to go on a bike ride, but evidently weren’t counting on A BREEZE, so we made it about 200 feet in 20 minutes. Somehow in that time, they managed to get “caught” wearing their helmets by a sheriff’s deputy and given “tickets” for free ice cream. Total calories burned on bike ride: -5 million. Nice.

September 17: Robin just called dibs on posting the funny thing Ben said. But then I called dibs on posting about calling dibs.

October 3: 2/3 kids want to be Cobbers. (Ben doesn’t care as long as they have football jerseys at his college.) Reunion: success!

We went to my 10 year reunion.  Shut up about the mascot.

October 7: Y’all know I’m not the world’s biggest baseball fan, but I do think it’s important to teach my kids the basics: ball, strike, home run, the Yankees suck, etc.

The Twins lost, but the Yankees still suck.

October 15: Ben: What’s on my bottom!? Oh, it’s just a tattoo. Me: ??? Ohhhhh. (He had a temporary tattoo from McDonald’s which he’d forgotten in his carseat. It stuck to his pants.) #neveradullmoment

October 17: Soup’s on the stove. Grandpa Ashok, Robin, Ben, and Riya are reading. Karina is coloring. I think I’ll knit a little. Could there be a more perfect autumn evening?

November 4: Karina is currently performing her version of the song “I have
confidence” from “The Sound of Music,” which goes like this: “To be out in the world, to be free, I will save all the people from the Nazis, to not be scared, Mary Poppins is like meeee, and I saved her too…” I think Julie Andrews would be proud.

November 12: The rule at the Chattopadhyay house is that you have to get ready for school before you can star in your own dance production.

November 21: Ben, while watching The Wizard of Oz: You know what this movie needs? Some Star Wars.

Also in November, my infamous Winning At Life series, in which my new microwave allows me to walk away while making popcorn, and the recycling guys leave me a thank-you note.  Not a long-running series.  Hmm, I should bring those back.

Best video EVER: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tT-lgB_HGEE

December 3: Hello, my name is Julie, and I am addicted to Hello Kitty lip balm, which fortunately comes in such age-appropriate flavors as candy cane, grape, and sugar plum.

December 9: Overheard at the post office: “Shhhhh! Don’t let her [the postal worker] hear you complain about the wait. You know they all get crazy when you complain.”

December 11: Snow clearing 2.0 – amused self thinking up witty retorts to Robin’s “The best snowstorm in years, and I am missing it!” Most NSFW.

He was in Charlotte when we got 17 inches of snow.  And he had the nerve to think it was cool.  Hmph.

December 15: How often do you get to say stuff like, “Well, maybe Luke Skywalker is visiting Pixie Hollow to see if the fairies need any help. A light saber is kind of like a magic wand, right?” [dusts hands and moves on to dispute #2 of the day]

December 15: Can you honestly claim to be the Twin Cities Christmas radio station if all you ever play is that Wham! song?

December 17: Although I’m glad to know that I’m usually more successful with my makeup than I was yesterday, I’m still having trouble deriving any pleasure from what my co-worker said to me last night: “Are you OK? You don’t usually have such huge black circles under your eyes.”

December 25: Julie thinks Ben deserves some kind of medal. He woke up at 5:15, ascertained that Santa had come, and then had to wait more than 2 hours for his sisters. I would usually have let him wake them up, but with Riya sick… Now, who wants to take bets about what time this afternoon he will crash to a screeching halt?

He actually did not crash.  Huh.

December 28: Robin got an Energy Detective for Christmas, and Riya got a watch. I am, therefore, much better and far more frequently informed about our kwh usage and the current time than I ever thought could be necessary.

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About Grape

I've got the world's best kids and husband. Great house, steady job. I'm living the American dream. The trick is to appreciate it. I'm working on that part.
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