Craig’s List

Dear Mom and Mother-in-Law: I swear I’m not going to give away the Jellyman’s LEGOs.  This is fiction.  Mostly.

Free to good – oh, I don’t honestly care – home:

Approximately 80 million LEGOs.  Used to be part of some “deluxe edition” sets like the Millennium Falcon or the Statue of Liberty, but I cannot be bothered to sort them all out.  You deal with it.

Some pieces may be missing and/or chewed up and subsequently rescued from the vacuum bag.  Previous owner devoted hours, possibly days, to assembly and appreciation of his freakin’ projects, leaving not-to-be-disturbed sorted piles of the damn things all over the family room floor in the process.  Missing pieces will only expand your own pleasure, drawing out the process even longer as you try to figure out whether you actually have enough bricks (that’s LEGO geek speak for “LEGOs”) to complete any given project.  Good luck with that.

One way or another, I am going to make sure my instep is never skewered by another one of those pegs.  Hundreds of dollars down the drain, feeding a grown man’s toy addiction, and I swear to God, if I have to listen to one more lecture about how I’ve broken the race car while trying to dust it, or misplaced figures in the Star Wars ships by putting Jedis where Storm Troopers clearly belong, I am going to grind those little bumpy heads into LEGO powder and put it in his drink.

Just last night, he came home with another new set.  My treasured collection of Matryoshka dolls is sharing space with what is, I am assured, a very accurate model of an old-fashioned train locomotive, I don’t have any room for the lovely blue vases I brought home from the Czech Republic because every surface is covered with tacky plastic, and he’s buying more!?

No way.  You can have ’em.  Call 555-5555 by this time tomorrow.  That’s when the garbage truck comes, and I can’t wait another week.

*This is a post inspired by a prompt from The Red Dress Club.


About Grape

I've got the world's best kids and husband. Great house, steady job. I'm living the American dream. The trick is to appreciate it. I'm working on that part.
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13 Responses to Craig’s List

  1. Amy says:

    Haha! I hate stepping on “bricks.”

  2. Legos are just about the worst thing in the WORLD to step on.

  3. JP says:

    Ah…they still make those imaginative bricks…I mean building blocks! Great post!

  4. My kids don’t even PLAY with their legos and yet, i still manage to step on one with my bare feet!

    Love the line about grinding their bumpy heads into dust..

  5. Sherri says:

    Oh, my son has SO many Legos!! I have stepped on many and rescued a few from the vacuume cleaner too. So I feel your pain but will not be making a bid on your items at this time.

    Or any other.

  6. OMG. I really love legos, but they do hurt when you step on them and what do you do with them when the kiddos out grow them? Too funny. TRDC

  7. Nichole says:

    I bought my daughter a total of 3500 Legos for Christmas, much to the dismay of my more experienced friends who assured me that I would regret it.

    The worst part? Is that 3500 is, apparently, not enough, because, like you, we have “not-to-be-disturbed sorted piles of the damn things all over the family room floor in the process.”

    Super funny post. 🙂

  8. Nancy C says:

    Oh, honey. Yes. Oh, yes. I am living this. The missing pieces, the nonsense, the expense!

    These are the best and worse toys ever invented.

  9. Mandyland says:

    Our house is currently exploding with Legos. My son recently discovered them and his father can’t seem to stop buying them. Which leads me to ask…

    Do you really have a Millennium Falcon? Because we can’t find that one.

  10. Mrs. Jen B says:

    Hahaha great post. But the bottoms of my feet hurt just reading it – one of those sensory memories you just don’t forget, I guess…! 😉

  11. Victoria KP says:

    Weird. It’s like you’ve been looking into my windows :-). I don’t know who is into Legos more, my husband or my sons!

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