You don’t get a lot of good PMS stories these days. At least, I don’t, possibly because I am not 13 years old. Or maybe because there is no such thing! But I’ll be damned if I’m not gonna give it the ol’ college try. (Don’t worry, it’s not gonna be gross, unless it’s in a let’s-talk-a-lot-about-our-feelings kind of way.)
I’ve gotten better. It used to be that I’d get all craaazzzyyy and have no idea why EVERYBODY HATED ME ALL OF A SUDDEN, and then three days later I’d go OHHHHHHHHH. Right. Now, at least I realize what is happening.
Unfortunately, what I’ve yet to figure out is how to handle it. The mood swings can be managed, if I have enough chocolate to hand and provided you don’t ask Robin. The overtiredness is temporary; I’m tired a lot, I can make it through a few days.
The big problem (you know, the one that affects me more than the people who have to talk to me) is that my instincts are all wrong. I finally realize that they’re wrong, that it was insane to burst into tears because my not-for-a-grade viola solo failed to please the impossible-to-please Russian viola teacher.
What I lack are alternatives. I know that it makes no sense to ask my children to take the state of their closet floors as seriously as I suddenly do. Even as I’m telling it, I can tell how badly my “I missed the bus and then Caribou was really busy!” “story” is bombing. And I swear, the chocolate chip/orange juice/shiraz thing seemed inspired at the time. In those moments, however, I cannot think of any other possibilities. I have enough logic to recognize how illogical I am being, but not enough to actually make sense. I can see the normal people, but I cannot join them.
And still, two days later I find myself going, OHHHHHH. Don’t eat the entire bag of barbeque chips. Riiiiight. That would’ve been a good choice.
It makes me wonder, how did my ancestresses not all get eaten by bears? “Hey, that cave looks interesting, and those growls are really inviting!”
Well, with any luck, I’ll make as much progress in the next twenty years as I have thus far.