Facebook, January 2011-June 2012

It’s a little ridiculous, I know.  But I am once again a little rudderless writing-wise, and I have been meaning to go back through these old FB posts, so…

January 17, 2011: Last night, Ben got in trouble and was given the choice between two potential consequences (an extra chore or giving up something he likes). He suggested a third option: “I’ll give up Riya, instead.” Nope.

January 27, 2011: I just told a “that’s what she said” joke. What have I become?  (Does anybody still watch The Office anymore?)

February 1, 2011: Too cute to correct: Instead of adding “please” to make a request more polite, Karina just changes all requests from “can” or “will” to “may.” Example: “May you make my blanket into a superhero cape?”

February 3, 2011: I am so proud of my kids. They’ve been saving their money, and they just made a donation to Feed My Starving Children that will buy 416 meals for children in Haiti.

February 4, 2011: Robin came home to find me throwing snow from the giant plow mountain into the yard, and he was all, “What are you DOING!?” and I was like, “Dude! Snow cave!”

February 24, 2011: Dear Shamrock Shake: I ordered a salad today, even though I am so not in a Salad Place, just so that I could be with you. I love you so much. You are the first real sign of spring, more real and precious than extra minutes of daylight or melting icicles. Stay with me, Shamrock Shake.

March 6, 2011: Ben: I’m not hungry. Me: Really? That’s weird, are you OK? Ben: I want food, I’m just not hungry. Me: Are you just messing with me? Ben: Yes.

March 16, 2011: They wanted to watch the Grinch. I was going to say no, but then I realized my only reason was that when I was a kid it was only on TV at Christmastime. Turns out, there actually is no law. Huh.

March 17, 2011: I GOT A JOB!!!!!!!  (Further proof: St. Patrick’s Day is a much better holiday than Valentine’s Day.)

March 25, 2011: I crossed paths with my husband today at a stoplight, and it felt just like in high school, when you’d unexpectedly get a glimpse of that one cute guy as he headed down the hall. *giggle*

March 26, 2011: Ben: Mom, can you read me a chapter of Harry Potter? Me: Well, we better wait for Karina. Ben: Why? Where is Karina? I don’t even remember Karina. (She’s been gone 20 minutes. Robin took her to dance class.)

The comments on that post cracked me up, too: 

  • My Uncle Ron: HA! I take it you, however, do remember Karina, despite her extended absence…
  • Julie: I have this vague recollection that I did, in fact, give birth to 3 children rather than just 2. I love how transparent kids are. “Clearly, Mother, my immediate desires are far more serious than what’s-her-name who shared your womb with me for 9 months.”

March 29, 2011: Awesome things my kids say, part 8 million: “God is not a Muggle, he is really more like Santa Claus.” (I am mildly embarrassed to be That Mom who only ever repeats things her kids say, but they crack me up so much I just cannot resist.)

April 29, 2011: Day 1 sans Robin: pretty OK. Day 2: Bank freezes accounts because some shady character tried to do some transactions from India (successfully unfrozen). Day 3: Ben has strep. We seem to be heading in the wrong direction. Undo! Abort! Ctrl-Alt-Del!

April 30, 2011: Day 4: Ben has allergic reaction to antibiotics. Seriously. Enough.

May 1, 2011: Riya feels that I am forcing her to break the Sabbath by insisting that she do her math homework. She doesn’t seem to have a problem with me changing her sheets or cooking her meals. Weird.

May 2, 2011: Robin called me in the middle of the night to tell me The Big News. I am not sorry, but I can’t bring myself to be glad, either. It’s cost us all too much, and I don’t believe it’s over, or even getting to the beginning of the end. (Oh, right.  Osama bin Laden.  Also, Robin was in India a very long time.)

May 7, 2011: Me: We are a little late, let’s hurry! Riya: Why are we late? Me: [sigh] Because we are always a little late. Riya: No, we’re not always a little late. Sometimes we are really late.

Robin’s status, May 12, 2011: It took one bus, one rickshaw, two planes, and a train, but I surprised Julie with flowers and lunch.

May 21, 2011: Should’ve put this as my status 2 hours ago: Hello from heaven. Bet you didn’t know we had wi-fi here, suckers!  (Oh, right.  Harold Camping.)

May 26, 2011: I have made two purchases for our SD trip next month: seat sacks to hold snacks and entertainment, and the soundtrack to Calamity Jane starring Doris Day. That oughta do it, eh?

June 2, 2011: Rule: pants should not have parrots on them. Discuss.

June 3, 2011: Me: there are lots of places I want to visit, like New York or San Francisco… Riya: yeah, or Burlington! ?????

June 7, 2011: It’s 90 million degrees, and Riya wants tea. Wonder where THOSE genes came from… (I’m looking at you, Ashok!)

June 11, 2011: Unintended consequences: having let Ben play Angry Birds on my phone, I should’ve known that soon my kids would be saying things like, “You be the pig, and I’ll be the mad bird, and I will throw myself at you.” But I didn’t see it coming, and now here we are.

June 17, 2011: Me: did I say that out loud, or just in my head? Robin: in your head, but I heard you.

July 1, 2011: Me: Are you arguing with me, or agreeing with me? Riya: Both.

July 5, 2011: Ben: Mom, I oopsidentally spit toothpaste on the mirror.

July 16, 2011: Me: here are Ben’s clubs. Ben’s golf teacher: does Ben have a putter? Me: here are Ben’s clubs.

July 28, 2011: When will I learn? I don’t want a “coffee cooler,” I want an “iced coffee.” Tragedy.

August 1, 2011: Robin has been explaining to me the difference between an Indian nerd and a Caucasian nerd. (He claims, fittingly, to be neither.)

August 6, 2011: My 7-year-old wakes up early on Saturday mornings, sneaks out of her room, hoping we won’t catch her, steals into the living room, and … opens a book.

Later that day: 183 miles to Grand Forks, full tank of gas, no cigarettes, it’s partly sunny, and we’re wearing sunglasses.

August 10, 2011: New coworker: I hate it when people have these long, foreign names that I have to enter manually! Me: (quietly turns badge around) Yeah, those people suck.

August 30, 2011: Robin and I would be kick-ass TV doctors or detectives.

September 2, 2011: Riya’s 2nd grade teacher is very organized (“Here is a map of how to arrange the materials in your desk.”). Methinks my helter-skelter baby is about to get a whole different kind of education.

September 3, 2011: I would like someone, please, to explain to me how two babies who used to fit end-to-end in the same crib and who together weighed only about 11 pounds, are now these big, strong, smart, constant-motion little people WHO ARE GOING TO BE FIVE IN ONE WEEK’S TIME?!

September 12, 2011: One of the ways you can tell if you are winning at life is if the GPS originally says you’ll arrive at your destination at 12:09, but you actually make it by 12:07.

October 11, 2011: QOTD, from Karina: Why isn’t it called New Year’s Eve? Me: Why isn’t what called New Year’s Eve? Karina: Christmas.

October 12, 2011: Dear Footloose commercial: You had me right up until the teenager who said it was “better than the original.” Kevin Bacon, fool. STFU.

October 23, 2011: Because I still want them to speak to me when they’re 25 (I think), I won’t say who was who in the following scenario, but one of my children just stuck a bead up the nose of another one. When I asked the beader what they were thinking, they said “I didn’t mean to.” When I asked the beadee, they said, “I was tricked.”

…Don’t you hate it when you’re walking along, and all of a sudden — OOPS — you’ve stuck a bead up someone’s nose without realizing it? Or when you’re just minding your own business, and someone comes by and tricks you into letting them shove something into your nostril? Happens to me all the time.

October 31, 2011: On my way to work today, I saw a wild turkey trying to eat the headlight of a parked car. I’d like to wish both parties the best of luck with that.

November 7, 2011: All through breakfast, Ben and Karina called each other “sweetie honey” and “sweetie baby.” Love.

November 18, 2011: Treasure Island tonight at SAVHS. Ben: I hope there aren’t any pirates in it. Me: dude, it’s about pirates, that’s why you wanted to see it. Ben: oh yeah.

November 25, 2011: I might’ve missed out on the sale for the big screen for $5 or whatever, but I took advantage of everybody’s food coma and slept for 9 hours last night. THAT’S what I call a good deal.

November 30, 2011: Dear Lady in the Tide commercial: You don’t have triplets. Do you want to know how I know? Because you AND YOUR HUSBAND are folding clothes IN THE DAYLIGHT and YOUR HOUSE IS COMPLETELY QUIET. Lies.

December 5, 2011: While listening to a lovely Lorie Line arrangement (with orchestra and a single soprano) of The Hallelujah Chorus: Julie: This bugs me, because it’s not called The Hallelujah Solo. Robin: YES! THANK you! #mfeo

December 10, 2011: Remembering times, as a kid or young adult, that I sat alone in my room and whined about how bored I was, makes me want to go back in time and slap myself across my fool face.

December 11, 2011: Cried like a big goober at the kids’ musical during church today.

December 26, 2011: I’m clearing out some cupboard space for the new plates I got for Christmas, so I threw out the cheap Target plates from my first apartment. Robin put on a sappy face and said, “You’re throwing away the plates from our first date!?” “Our second date,” I answered. “Oh. Whatever.”

December 28, 2011: I’m now the proud auntie of *two* fantastically adorable little boys. Welcome, AHW!

January 1, 2012: Just watched The Princess Bride with the kids, then confessed to Robin that my male high school friend and I used to sign our notes “as you wish.” He says he’s embarrassed for me, but I know he’s really jealous.

January 13, 2012: The Management thanks you for your repeated opinions about cookery. However, as The Management are the only people here with the authority and ability to reach the microwave/turn on the stove/wield a knife/pay for groceries, please be advised that your opinion will likely be ignored. Have a fantastic day.

January 20, 2012: We got Ben and Karina’s kindergarten registrations in the mail today. Excuse me one minute: myyyyyyyyyyy baaaaaaaaaaaaaaaabieeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeees. That’s all. Go about your business, citizens.

January 22, 2012: The kids: “I’m just a poor boy, from a poor family. He’s just a poor boy, nobody loves him!” Robin: [accusatory stare] “You must be so proud.” Me: “Yup.”

January 25, 2012: Me: Daddy will be home tomorrow! Ben: What if Daddy didn’t come home FOR TEN YEARS? Me: I would cry. That would be terrible! Karina: [in a what-a-hassle voice] Yeah, she’d have to find a new husband. Robin, you better get back here and stake your claim!

January 26, 2012: With no irony or intention of being funny, Riya *just* interrupted an unrelated conversation to say “SQUIRREL!” Honestly, why are no other adults ever around when these things happen?

January 27, 2012: Ben: How many minutes are in a day? Robin: [does math in his head while I’m still carrying the 2]: 1440. Me: Oh, yeah, well I know how many minutes in a year! Robin: What, because you memorized “Rent?” Nice.

February 2, 2012: Riya left a note in her snack box that said, “I don’t like this stuff!” I wrote back, “I think you meant, “May I have a different snack, please?”” I did not send a new snack. Thoughts on how mad she’ll be?

February 23, 2012: Me: I was disappointed they wouldn’t take my blood today; I was going to read Twilight while I was in the chair. Him: [blank stare] Me: Vampires. Get it? Him: OH. MY. GOD. You are the biggest dork ever.

March 5, 2012: Ben: Mom, can we listen to that song from Grease when we get home? Me: Sure, but Daddy won’t be happy. He doesn’t like it as much as we do. Karina: Yeah, he’ll probably say, “Julie, you are such a do-ork.” (She knows us too well.)

March 16, 2012: [We just got a romantic comedy in the mail from Netflix.] Him: Now you can’t say I always move your movies to the bottom of the queue. Me: You *do* do that! Him: No, I don’t… I may move my movies to the *top.* [pause] Me: THAT’S THE SAME THING!

March 16, 2012: Ben and Riya are arguing about whether Ben’s new YMCA lanyard is “yellow” or “yellowish.” Hey, look at that! It’s bedtime. What time is it, you ask? IT DOES NOT MATTER.

March 25, 2012: [Trying to clean the afternoon outside from under Ben’s fingernails] Ben: What is this soapy stuff? Me: Soap.

March 29, 2012: And in other news, a (non-kid-having) bus acquaintance said to me today, “I always thought it would be easier to just have boy-girl twins and then only have to go through pregnancy once.”

April 12, 2012: What I said: “I will look that up, and then get back to you.” What I meant: “I will call you back as soon as I prove you wrong.”

April 14, 2012: Me: Do we have a movie to watch tonight? Him: Yeah, but we can’t talk about it. [It’s Fight Club.]

April 16, 2012: So, when the 9-year-old neighbor tells you something based on a video game, that is accepted fact. But when your mother suggests a warmer jacket based on weather conditions we can all see through the window, an argument ensues. Just checking to be sure I understand the rules.

May 4, 2012: Me: How was your hot chocolate? Him: I put in too much water. It was weak; not manly enough! Me: “Manly” cocoa? What, like with marshmallows? Him: NO! With whipped cream and a [redacted] cherry!

May 8, 2012: Ben (who has been repeatedly asked to STAY IN BED): Mama? Mama? Me: Yeesss? Ben: I had a bad dream! Me: You. Have. Not. Been. Asleep. Yet. Ben: Oh.

May 15, 2012: Riya just told me that a boy in her class is her “arch enemy.” Seriously, could I love this kid any more?

May 29, 2012: Overheard by Robin while Karina was packing up her backpack for school today: I’m taking 2 blankets and a stuffie, cuz that’s how I roll.

June 2, 2012: Watching Anne of Green Gables with Robin. He has no prior experience with imaginative, sensitive, theatrical redheads and cannot relate at all.

June 14, 2012: Ben has built some kind of transmogrifying Lego device. When he points it at people, he asks three important questions: 1) what do you want to be? 2) long nose or short? 3) boogers or no? #boysaredifferentthangirls

June 28, 2012: [We have just driven past the old brewery in NE MPLS that is now an architectural firm.] Robin: Do you know what an architect does? Riya: I do! They design buildings! … Noah from the Bible was an architect! [Puzzled silence…] Me: Ohhhhh. An ARK-itect! Riya: Why are you laughing!? He designed the boat, didn’t he!?


About Grape

I've got the world's best kids and husband. Great house, steady job. I'm living the American dream. The trick is to appreciate it. I'm working on that part.
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